I thought I saw Little Bo Peep
But now, all I see is a sheep
Her white colt,
Didn’t molt,
For she was no Assassin
I was bashin’
And now she’s dead
Her white fur, all red
But now, all I see is a sheep
Her white colt,
Didn’t molt,
For she was no Assassin
I was bashin’
And now she’s dead
Her white fur, all red
In Hexen II, players choose from one of four character classes (Necromancer, Assassin, Crusader, and Paladin) and begin their quest to destroy Eidolon, the lone survivor from the original Hexen. Four different lands are broken into many sublevels, each of which contain a member of the Four Horsemen, who must be destroyed.
by Rick Johnson
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
If you feel lonely,
Inflate the love ewe.
Violets are blue,
If you feel lonely,
Inflate the love ewe.
by Tom Odell
Baaa, Baaa, Baaa,
The sheep is eating grass.
Ha, Ha, Ha,
I kicked the sheep’s ass.
The sheep is eating grass.
Ha, Ha, Ha,
I kicked the sheep’s ass.
by Jon Zuk
Small white cloud
walks on four legs
why do you run from me?
walks on four legs
why do you run from me?
by Mike Raymond-Judy
There was a Crusader named Brett,
As vain as characters get,
More hit points than god,
And a Lightbringer rod,
As a sheep, though, he ain’t a big threat!
As vain as characters get,
More hit points than god,
And a Lightbringer rod,
As a sheep, though, he ain’t a big threat!
by Mike Raymond-Judy
Baa, baa, Black Sheep,
Blood stains in your wool.
Even though you have no arms,
Such evil tricks you pull.
Blood stains in your wool.
Even though you have no arms,
Such evil tricks you pull.
Firing magic glyphs,
Nibbling peoples toes.
Gaining more experience,
For gibbing all your foes.
Nibbling peoples toes.
Gaining more experience,
For gibbing all your foes.
Baa, baa, Black Sheep,
Now the killing stops.
The Paladin will punch you,
Mmmmm… mutton chops.
Now the killing stops.
The Paladin will punch you,
Mmmmm… mutton chops.
by Eric Biessman
White wool, bathed in blood
No fear, I laughed at the sight
Nibbled to my death
No fear, I laughed at the sight
Nibbled to my death
by Eric Biessman
The dank wooliness
scratching and itching my chest.
Tears fall from my face.
scratching and itching my chest.
Tears fall from my face.
by Steve Stringer
The Hexen II Polymorph Staff…
Is certainly good for a laugh…
When chasing the sheep
Through castle and keep
Be glad that it’s not a giraffe
Is certainly good for a laugh…
When chasing the sheep
Through castle and keep
Be glad that it’s not a giraffe
by Kenn Hoekstra
I only dream of Ewe
Sometimes when I eat stew
Other times when I down a brew
Sometimes when I eat stew
Other times when I down a brew
I must admit there have been quite a few
But none that compare to you
I love you more than Yoo-Hoo
Or even Motley Crue
But none that compare to you
I love you more than Yoo-Hoo
Or even Motley Crue
I only dream of Ewe
Never yearning for something new
Until I step in a pile of Ewe doo
And wipe it from my shoe
Never yearning for something new
Until I step in a pile of Ewe doo
And wipe it from my shoe
Luckily for Ewe
I already had some stew
So my heart will remain true
Dreaming only of Ewe
I already had some stew
So my heart will remain true
Dreaming only of Ewe
by Kevin Long
Alas, the cruel Demoness slew
Paramour, our heroic ewe.
But you need mourn him not,
As we thicken the plot
By gibbing of the Demoness too.
Paramour, our heroic ewe.
But you need mourn him not,
As we thicken the plot
By gibbing of the Demoness too.
by Winnie Lee
The Fugitive
I am sheep,
see me run –
see me run –
I am sheep,
it’s not fun –
it’s not fun –
I am sheep,
see me flee –
see me flee –
I am sheep,
leave me be…
leave me be…
by rack-daddy lann-o’linn (Chris Foster)
Shearing Time…
Bald again,
Yeah –
I’m bald again.
Yeah –
I’m bald again.
Jumping fences,
freezing cold.
In the fields,
in underoos.
You took my hair –
You took my pride –
at shearing time…
at shearing time…
freezing cold.
In the fields,
in underoos.
You took my hair –
You took my pride –
at shearing time…
at shearing time…
Now –
we took the barn,
we got the farm,
we got your tools,
we’re on the move –
at shearing time…
at shearing time…
we took the barn,
we got the farm,
we got your tools,
we’re on the move –
at shearing time…
at shearing time…
We circle close
as sheepish shadows –
ever closer,
as the terror mounts,
we ask you,
as sheepish shadows –
ever closer,
as the terror mounts,
we ask you,
Just Who clips Who?
at shearing time…
at shearing time…
at shearing time…
at shearing time…
by rack-daddy lann-o’linn (Chris Foster)
Verily, MrBunwah And Friends Do Hexen 2.This article / review type thing originally appeared on one of Stomped’s sites called Z-Axis. Seeing as Stomped is, if not dead then at least mildly stunned, we needed a new home for it. For reasons which presently escape me (Ho ho!
That was a joke see? Nevermind) RavenGames.com seemed the ideal place, so here you go.
MrBunwah – 19/02/02. The team of fine, upstanding gentlemen:MrBunwah:MrBunwah’s chosen character is the Paladin, who possesses a particularly knobbly hat.Eon:Eon’s chosen character is the Crusader, who possesses a chin you could land Dragons on.MadGav:MadGav’s chosen character is the Assassin, who possesses a fine pair of knives.Part 1: Being the introduction:With a hey nonny nonny, it’s time to slip on your tights, buff up your pantaloons and dust off your bushiest beard. Yes it’s Hexen 2 and that, ladies and gentlefolk means it’s fantasy time (no, not those sort of fantasies you sick, sick little monkey). Join us as we frolic through distant lands, clubbing small creatures, stealing anything that’s not nailed down and falling into lava. And after that we’ll play some Hexen 2!
(ah come on, you know you love it).Released by Raven back around 1976, Hexen 2 is one of those Quake 1 engine games and that means it’s fast, furious and fun but in no way a simulation. Of course things were spiced up a little by the introduction of experience points, an inventory system and proper end of episode bosses (as opposed to Quake’s pathetic ‘ooh I’m so scary, look at me wobble’ wobbly blob of lard). The other major innovation of Hexen 2 was the introduction of non linear episodes, but we shall speak no more of these here. Fear not my lady, for the non linear episodes shall be appearing in yonder gameplay section!
You’re a man? Terribly sorry, it’s these tights you see, they’re affecting my eyesight something chronic. See MrBunwah swoop through the air like a great big bird! All together now: “I believe I can fly”Ooh, and not to forget, another thing you spend a lot of time doing in Hexen 2 is beating up spiders. Lots and lots of spiders. Admittedly some of them are disguised as were-panthers or golems but that’s not the point, we’re talking spiders all over the place.
They’re everywhere I tells ya! Part 2: Collecting the sayings of many wise and learned gentlemen and some stuff on setting up and general chimping about:Forsooth Hexen 2 doth install and work pretty darned well. Naturally you’ll be wanting to install the GL version and getting the latest patch but other than that it’s straight into the game.One thing you’ll need to do is decide which machine will be the server in advance, as this is the only one that can save the game. Because of the way Hexen2 plays you’ll be needing to save regularly (unless you’re going to play the whole game in one mammoth 20,000 hour session) so making sure the server stays on the same PC is essential. One odd little ‘thing’ that we discovered is that the order people join the server dictates which character they are. So if the third Player on board is the Necromancer then that’s the way it is until the end of time (when the great god Ion Storm plunges the world into darkness by mercilessly over-hyping the sun until everyone’s just fed up with the whole thing).
Let go of my leg! Aaaiiee!” Eon’s power over animals was almost mystical.The final thing you may find you need for a game of Hexen 2 is a pen and some paper (shock! Etc!) because it doesn’t include any way of reminding you what you’re supposed to be doing. So if you have to stop play for a few days because, for instance one of the group has been kidnapped by giant spiders, then when you return it can be a nightmare to work out what’s going on. Of course you could just download a walkthrough from and use that instead be we don’t condone that sort of thing, do we Gav? Part 3: Concerning the playing experience:Playing Hexen 2 is a test of memory as much as anything else because at any given point you’ve got a long list of things to do today.
The complicated, criss-crossing, non linear episodes force you to run backwards and forwards through the fantasy (hey nonny nonny) lands, picking up bizarre items and solving bizarre puzzles. I’ll tell you right now that if you don’t like picking up things and carrying them about you can forget about Hexen 2. It’s like a delivery person simulator at times. Personally I quite enjoyed the change in pace from the usual key-door shenanigans but I know that it’s not everyone’s cup of tea. So yay verily and, err, stuff. Having killed a team member the Golem prepares to poop on the body. MadGav does what Assassins do best and skulks behind Eon, deciding whether to attack or just run away.Y’see the idea is that as well as gaining a few hit points per level, you also gain new and fantastic powers and abilities!
However, having played the game several times I can safely reveal that the fantastic powers and abilities are not in any way fantastic (except fantastically poo perhaps). Allow me to elaborate: As the Paladin your first power is ‘being able to move quickly underwater’. Is there an underwater episode? There is in fact a single level in the entire game with enough swimming to make this power useful.
But wait, it gets better! The Paladin’s second ability is a sort of ‘divine grace’ thing that occasionally resurrects you when you die. Except that, in the THREE playthroughs I’ve now done of Hexen 2 I have never once seen this power in action. Does it actually work? Does it even exist?
And the crapness isn’t just limited to the Paladin’s powers, oh no. For instance one of the Assassin’s powers makes them go invisible when they stand still. As soon as you shoot the monsters see you anyway so what’s the point?
Anyway, because the powers are so crap the experience points never really become a major part of the game and as a result we could work as a team, without trying to hog all the kills. Hmm, perhaps they made them useless deliberately Part 5: Bringing the whole sorry tale to a conclusion:So does our merry band of adventurers give Hexen 2 a thumbs up or a thumbs down? Well it’s actually a bit of both, with attitudes ranging from good to indifferent to bad. MrBunwah versus extra huge-large-biggo spider. Well I know who my money’s on Go spider go!Probably the main reason that the game doesn’t achieve universal praise is its reliance on back tracking and carefully searching for yet another item.
The Egyptian episode is particularly bad for this and almost had us giving up to go play something else instead. It’s difficult to feel any sense of progression when you play for several hours to gain item A only to find that you need items B and C before you can open the door behind which lies item D (which you were told about so long ago that you won’t know what it’s for when you do get the damn thing). If you’ve got enough patience that you don’t mind revisiting old areas or wandering around scratching your head then Hexen 2 will provide hours of entertainment.
Whereas if you want a quick adrenaline fix or some team based action then it’s probably not what you’re looking for.That said, if you like puzzling, exploration and an altogether more thoughtful pace (which still features plenty of combat) Hexen 2 is a good co-op game. On top of that, if it’s a fantasy (hey nonny nonny) atmosphere you’re after then this game is easily capable of drawing you in for the 6 billion hours it takes to finish.Ladies and gentlefolk I’ve been Squire MrBunwah and they’ve been Lord Eon and Wise Old Man MadGav. Thank you, goodnight and hey nonny no.The score: 3.5 out of 5.